In Memoriam
by Tully
Summary: On learning of her death, a man from Janet's past comes to attend the memorial.


Arthur's RP English accent sounded loud, and, as he had gauged it, painful to Colonel Rondell's ears. Given the attitude he had needed to employ to get even this far, it seemed to be long past the time for the softly-softly approach. He was forced to stop due to a lack of oxygen, giving the Colonel the opening to say:  
  
"Please, Mr Merton, if you'd just listen to me..."  
  
"What for? So you can offer me your sincerest condolences and apologise for not being able to help me? I listened to the same spiel from every wretched soul the Air Force cared to throw at me, and this is what I told them: Janet Fraiser was, still is the most important person to me on this Earth, and it'll take more red tape than anyone has to stop me from finding out why she is dead. I don't care what kind of non-disclosure agreement I have to sign, I don't care what kind of new MAD superweapon you've got down there, I am not leaving until I know there was a reason why Janet ... died, and that it could not have been prevented."  
  
"I'm sorry sir, but I can't help you. The highest..."  
  
"Then pick up that phone and find me someone who can."  
  
"Just who in the hell do you think you are?"  
  
Arthur had met his match, in the form of General Hammond, who was irritated at having to come all the way up to the surface to deal with him.  
  
Arthur softened his tone for the General. A lot of force had been needed to bring him here, but more would just antagonise him.  
  
"I'm one of no doubt many people who owe their lives to Janet. After she saved my life, we became friends, close friends." Arthur nearly had to fight back the tears as he said "We shared a bond that few people can understand, let alone claim to have known for themselves. That's why I need to know how she died, because that bond has been severed, and that hurts."  
  
The precise pitch of Arthur's offensive had the General off-balance. He knew that the anger, the pain and the frustration in his voice were all genuine: he felt them himself, to a certain extent. He paused considerably before saying "I want you to know that I understand how you feel, but I doubt that you understand quite how delicate a position you're putting me in. If you ask me, you deserve to get the closure you're after, but it's not up to me. As her commanding officer, I can assure you that Dr. Fraiser's death was an honourable one. She was killed in the line of duty saving the life of another member of this command.  
  
"Where on Earth did this happen?"  
  
General Hammond shook his head "Technically, I'm not even authorised to say as much as I have. I can't tell you any more. This brings me to the question of how you found out she had died so soon. The only person outside this base who knows is her daughter."  
  
"And it was Cassie who told me. I'm here principally to help her through this, but I needed to know... y'know."  
  
Arthur had no idea what to say, so he just hugged Cassie as they both let the tears out. When they had done that for a while, they sat back. They tried to make eye contact, but seeing the grief in the other's eyes was unbearable. So they sat and grieved, together but isolate from one another. Chance, or maybe Providence, meant that they'd recovered and put their masks of normality back on by the time Daniel rang the doorbell. Cassie answered it, and led him wordlessly into the living room. Daniel introduced himself to Arthur, asked Cassie how she was doing, and was so unbearably there for her that she wanted to scream. She knew and trusted Daniel, but having him there, commiserating with her in his impeccably sympathetic way made it impossible to push the feelings down, to indulge in denial even for a moment. With a choked cry of "I'm sorry," she got up and ran from the room. Daniel was unsure whether to follow, but Arthur stopped him. All it took to communicate the complex reasons why Cassie would be better off alone for the time being was a look. Daniel nodded and sat back down.  
  
"Mr. Merton..."  
  
"Call me Arthur, please."  
  
"OK; Arthur, what I'm about to tell you couldn't be more off-the-record. As I think General Hammond told you earlier, he thinks you're entitled to know everything you want to about Janet's death. You're going to find some of this hard to accept, but I assure you every word of it is true..."  
  
Cassie heard the front door close, and then someone's step on the stairs. Arthur's, she decided, which meant that Daniel had left. She composed herself as she waited for the inevitable knock at her door.  
  
"Come in."  
  
Arthur did just that. When he saw her, sat cross-legged on her bed, he smiled weakly and moved to sit next to her.  
  
"Dr. Jackson just told me about the Stargate, and about your funny definition of the word 'Toronto'"  
  
"Yeah? I'm surprised that he was allowed."  
  
"I get the feeling he wasn't, not officially anyway."  
  
All of three heartbeats' silence passed. The silence became a living thing, huge and terrifying, redolent with the ever-present fact that Janet was dead, and neither of them had dealt with it sufficiently.  
  
"Arthur?" The silence shattered "Can I ask you something?"  
  
"'Course you can."  
  
"I know you and Mom were... close. Were you ever...?"  
  
"Lovers? Yes, at one point. That wasn't what made us close, though. The friendship did that."  
  
"Tell me."  
  
All right, Arthur thought, maybe that'll help both of us. "When your Mom and I met, she was fresh from her residency and working in a hospital in Chicago. I'd just left the police force, because I couldn't stand the paperwork, and come to the States to go to bodyguard school. Anyway, I'd been in a brawl, and got this." He pointed to a small scar over his left eye. "Janet did good work, there's no doubt of it. The cut was much longer than the scar. Needless to say, when I went to the emergency room, it was Janet who saw me and patched me up. While I was there, I asked about some chest pains I'd been having.  
  
They were a little more serious. Turned out I had an embolism which might have killed me. That was the first time your mother saved my life. In fact, we joked that I kept getting into fights, just so I could go and see her. To say that we became very good friends would be an understatement. Every time my job put me in harm's way, there was Janet, like a guardian angel, to fix me up."  
  
"Janet Fraiser was an extraordinary person. She was kind, and funny, and talented. Above all, she was courageous. Try as I might, I could not find the words to honour her, to do justice to her life. Thankfully I got some help. While words alone may not be enough, there are some names that might do. We often talk about those that give their lives in the service of their country, and while Janet Fraiser did just that, that's not what her life was about. The following are the names of the men and women who did not die in the service, but who are in fact alive today because of Janet. Major Samantha Carter. Dr Daniel Jackson. Colonel Jack O'Neill. Teal'c. Sergeant Connie Smith. Major Ian Hewels. Senior Airman Simon Wells..."  
  
The list was impressively long. Arthur couldn't help but feel angry that Janet had saved all those lives, but that he hadn't been there to save hers. For him, it was even more irrational to blame himself than it was for some of the people around him. When she had met her end, he hadn't even been on the same planet, he thought. Unbidden, the pain spoke again "exactly, why weren't you there, you bastard. Why didn't you save her?" Hearing his name forced him, momentarily, to stop listening to the pain as Major Carter said "Sergeant Arthur Merton." Knowing that the memorial service was to be military in nature, he had worn the only uniform he had ever earned, that of a sergeant in the British police. He couldn't help thinking that the black of the uniform was appropriate to the occasion. 


End file.
